sigh.. my birthday is coming... why do i feel a sudden fear overwhelming me? what is it that i fear... it is consuming me.. and yet the fear in me is something so elusive.. it is not definite.. it engulfs me like a bottomless pit.. where the shades at the rim are so close one never really knows where it starts and ends..down down down... its so dark it never seems to end.. but i am not falling.. no.. i am quite sure of that.. or am i? the fear.. of changes... the fear of how a difference can change the comfort i have.. its just an extra number to my external age.. so what am i fearing.. will people change overnight? will the world be different when i wake up in the morning? is it anticipation? excitement? or am i just worrying too much.. the instability of the world.. everything is changing.. nothing is forever.. or is it? perhaps its the way things are... the blessings of a good crowd.. the contentment of belonging.. the wilful desire to hold on to this simple happiness... not necessarily with the most.. but.. i am falling... perhaps for so long that i have grown to be numb towards it.. when am i falling.. all the time? immune to it? haha.. how can i ever be... so much for phrasings like "words are cheap" etc.. truth is.. most of us THRIVE on the words we hear each day.. what makes your day a better day? a grand lauding on your skills? Praises in any form that compliments your whole being? BE HONEST.. in the end.. its not so much of a definite zone but of the effects it creates.. we have 3 basic colours in art: blue, red and yellow i think.. yes.. pleasently beautiful in its own rights..but its through the shades of colours that tends to take our breath away... the mirage of oranges at dusk.... the gentle waves of silvery blue on the lakes.. and they say.. its not the number of breaths we take that matters.. but the number of times we lost our breath.. ( haha... not exactly the last) so in the element of uncertainty.. not necessarily a bad thing.. at least it gives spaces for surprises.. haha.. so i am falling.. falling for the stunning effects of changes..

Labels: depth of emotions